Surprise Surprise!

I had a terrible night last night. I had such lower abdominal cramps as well as lower backache. I think I only fell asleep around 2am. So this morning I thought I better get it checked out as my cysts are forever giving me nonsense.

My gynae did an internal sonar - apparently my endometrium is very swollen, which could indicate an early pregnancy or that I'm about to start my cycle. No! I'm not due for another week and a half, and my cycle is so long and irregular anyway - so the gynae suspects an early pregnancy(as I had a funny cycle last month) . Did the whole blood test thing - so I must phone in to get the result after 11am tomorrow. She says, even if it shows negative, there's still a chance because its still early. (I would only be 2 weeks or so). She ruled out bladder infection, other infection, other tum probs, & there's no cyst in sight.

I'm tired of this emotional rollercoaster. We've been trying(TTC) for about 18months now.
Everytime I get my hopes up, they get shattered. I'm really trying not to, but deep inside it's so difficult - I'm really hoping that this is the end of my little infertility spell, and it means some kind of joy will be brought into hubby & my life very soon.

I've waited patiently(sometimes impatiently) for so long - even watching my younger sister bring the first grandchild into our family recently. That hurt a little - ok a lot, as she isn't married, the boyfriend isn't in a stable job, they don't have their own place, etc, and here I am, happily married, we've both got stable jobs, we don't owe on our stunning house, neither do we owe a cent on our cars...and yet we can't add a beautiful little being into our family.
Don't get me wrong - I love my sister so much, and I love my little nephew to bits... He wasn't a mistake! Life happens! God put him here for a reason. Sometime's I just don't understand why things play out the way they do.

That's why deep down I am secretly, silently hoping, that this is the end of our struggle - but if it isn't, then I'll just have to pick myself up and carry on. In His Time, they say - not our own.

I will see how things go during the day - a bit busy at work. Might post a bit later.

xxx