Well, now that I've gotten to my first blog post, I have to think a bit... LOL.
I'm not in a very good place at the moment. It feels as though life is just one big mess right now. The only thing good in my life, is my wonderful husband. He really tries his best! He really loves me, and I love him more than anything in this whole world!
A little bit of background; Before I met my hubby, I went through a lot of traumatic events - I won't say alot about that now, as it might come out later in my blog posts as I try and work through my disordered thinking. I was diagnosed with PTSD and was put on very strong anti-depressants. When I met him, I decided to go cold-turkey, and take myself off of them. I suppose you could say that I thought If I was still on them, maybe he would think that he wasn't making me happy. Stupid, I have now realised. Anyone knows that one has to ween themselves off anti-depressants.
Things were going really peachy, they still are. But as I go through daily struggles with certain things, as all of us humans do, I find myself battling - and wishing that I could cope a bit better. Sometimes it seems that the smallest things cause me to sink a bit deeper back into that deep, dark pit of depression, and I don't know how to pull myself back out.
I've cried a few times this week, which shows me something is not right.
I feel as though I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That is why I decided to start a blog, and see if maybe I can release some of my built up tension/feelings.
Now that you've read my first blog - you might understand things a bit better, as well as understand certain blogs to follow.
Now for some general banter - Wow, are we having such a lazy Sunday or what? haha! I love it! We really need it! My cousin had a Welcome back Party at her place from about 2pm yesterday. It was fab! Saw some of my old friends that I havent seen in ages. It's great that our friendship circle is coming together again. Hubby & I left at 8ish. He wasn't feeling well & neither was I. I think it's all the stress that we're going through at the moment.
I started my diet again as of Monday, and I've done very well so far. I've lost 2.8kgs this week, which I think is a great start! I've decided that I'm tired of being the 'fat' one in my group of friends. I'm just tired of everything to do with being overweight. I got to a nice weight just before I met my hubby... but then after meeting him, I was forced into recovery and gained so much weight. I also found out when we started trying for children, that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...which causes infertility. So I'm insulin resistant, and have been on this crazy dose of meds to try get my body right, which also added to the weight gain.
Anyway 2010 is the year for ME! The year I get the body I want! I'm doing it for ME! I'm doing it for my sanity!
I better get going!
I know it's belated, but Happy New Year to you all! May all your dreams & aspirations come to pass!
xxx
Sunday, January 10, 2010
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Good luck. x
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI just read your post, and wow! A lot of the things you mentioned in your first post really resonated with me... In the last year of highschool i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (which i now believe to be a mis-diagnosis as i no longer show any BPD traits and i dont think you can get better just like that & so quickly with BPD) I think all my mental issues and depression just stemmed from the abusive relationship i was in with my asshole boyfriend at that time and other teenage stresses.. anyway i was put on various anti-depressants untill i found one that didnt give me too shitty side effects. I was on a very high dose of effexor for almost 3 years and then i met my now boyfriend who is absolutey the best, he wanted me to come off the meds because he saw me as a perfectly normal, great girl and thought that only crazy people needed meds/he doesnt really believe in drugs and anti-depressants as a treatment for 'normal emotions' people are supposed to feel (& our opinions were always quite different on these such topics, he doesnt understand because he has never had depression or mental illness - i knew sometimes what i felt was definitly not normal for a person to feel).. I was so scared to come off them incase i'd turn into the crazy emotional bitch i used to be. I too came off them cold turkey -baaad idea!- i was so sick, like a heroin addict coming off heroin cold turkey. Im sure you know exactly what i mean. And then, i was fine. I was more normal than i had been since i was 14. Im truly happy now since coming off them 2 years ago. (I think antidepressants can just mess with your mind sometimes and make you just weird and detached instead of helping you). Sorry this is probably long and doesnt interest you, just thought i'd comment and be a friend to you if you need someone to talk to anytime. Another thing i could relate to is that i too have PCOS and the insulin resistence problems. Im not on any medication for it except for the contraceptive pill. And have to watch what i eat. They found it out when i was 16 and still had not got my period so i went to docs and that was the reason for it. I do want to have children someday with my partner but this could prove to be more and more difficult the older i get if i have the ability to fall pregnant at all. Now however, im just focussed on my weight!
ANYWAY i'm done with my rambling now..! =]
Hope your well,
Take care,
~Scarlett