I can't even remember what I blogged about last...lol! Everytime I promise to blog more, things end up getting all crazy! We are sooooo busy at work. But it should calm down a bit now.
The things taking up alot of our time was the Golf Day we did for a charity... wow! It's stressful planning a Golf Day. It was yesterday, and went pretty well. Except for the guy helping us organize...all he was interested in was taking up all the limelight, and he ended up making his name shit during the prize-giving last night cos he is definately not one to talk in front of people.
Tomorrow is my birthday and this is the first year I'm not even looking forward to it. Reason: Hubby & I have still not been paid for February. So we are battling. All our stop orders have gone off, and there's been no money so they've all been rejected. Hubby is so depressed and so am I. We can't go through anymore, and yet it seems that the bombs keep dropping on top of us, one by one.
My BFF said that she is going to buy meat and booze, then we are gonna braai by our place tomorrow - but i really don't want to. How embarrasing is that? Your friend must pay to do something on your birthday?!
I'm going first thing tomorrow to get my papers done for the payout for my trust fund. And im sending it in tomorrow. They said it gets released once im 25...and it couldn't have come at a better time... A little sooner would've been good, but i have to hold on just a little bit longer. So hold thumbs that they pay out asap because we really need this. Then I'm set for quite a while.
I've been on Simply Slim for 19days now...It's going reasonably well. I am losing... but apparently not as fast as most of the people on it. I think that has to do with my water intake. I HAVE to increase it... i just have to! Going to do some research now...
Anyway, here are the stats for my 19 day loss so far:
I'm only noting my loss...
Waist - down 4cm
Hips - down 4cm
Bust - down 3.5cm
Thigh - down 1.5cm
Arm - down 5.5cm
Total = 18cm lost
Weightloss = 3.5kgs
Hope you're all well...
xxx
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Climb
Ive lost about 3kgs so far on Simply Slim! Yay! So it works!!! lol. Well i know it does. I have almost no appetite, im always thirsty - so my water intake is increasing, i feel it in my clothes, and the scale tells me so! haha!
Again, its been a really crazy week at work. Late nights, etc.
Last night we had a scare - we woke up to our dogs barking, and someone shouting for us at the gate... it was just after 2am. So we went to the front, and it was a guy who is part of the 'neighbourhood watch' where we stay. He told us that people saw men jump into our yard, and now they cant find them... and that they've blocked off our roads so that whoever it is, cant escape. He asked if he could come into our yard to check if they're hiding or if we would check... we let him in... he even asked if we have a weapon on us...which we didn't. He checked with a torch and saw nothing. Then he came to the front again, and apologized for waking us up... and also told us there are about 30 cars circling the area trying to find them. He also told us about the meeting they have once a week which we are welcome to join.
Obviously I couldn't really sleep after that...
I'm also sick as a dog. Flu that went straight into my chest in like a day!!! Crazy! I've never gotten sick so quick... I feel terrible.
I haven't been eating dinner this week... which i think is awesome!!! I will get to work, have a small breakfast, like muesli or somethin... and then at lunch time, a sandwich with ham on or marmite or whatever...and that's that. So my intake has been pretty good.
I'm very under the weather today... Started from this morning, when i went onto hubby's facebook profile, and i saw that he had left a comment or two on one of our 'girl' friend's status's... it really hurt cos he never even comments on my status's or comments on the nice notes i leave him, etc...
Her status was ''Loving the rain'', and he commented ''Great for snuggling'', then she said something-nothing important-and he replied ''Why?Are you a night or dark lover? LOL'' WTF?!! He's such a flirt... I wish he would flirt with me a little...
Anyway, i got to work, and it was crazy busy... hubby had to drive to jhb for 3 deliveries, and i had to go to 2 suppliers...
There's just tooo much to explain via writing, but needless to say, everything is getting too much for me... I feel like running away. Not telling anyone, and just disappearing....(pulling a stunt like Sherri did)... I doubt i'd do it, but thats how i feel. I just feel so overwhelmed, so emotional - just depressed.
I think that's why I'm hardly eating too...
I'm going to post the words of a song - Miley Cyrus's ~The Climb. You all know it, but the words ring true to how I feel.
I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes it might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
Cause there’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
xxx
Again, its been a really crazy week at work. Late nights, etc.
Last night we had a scare - we woke up to our dogs barking, and someone shouting for us at the gate... it was just after 2am. So we went to the front, and it was a guy who is part of the 'neighbourhood watch' where we stay. He told us that people saw men jump into our yard, and now they cant find them... and that they've blocked off our roads so that whoever it is, cant escape. He asked if he could come into our yard to check if they're hiding or if we would check... we let him in... he even asked if we have a weapon on us...which we didn't. He checked with a torch and saw nothing. Then he came to the front again, and apologized for waking us up... and also told us there are about 30 cars circling the area trying to find them. He also told us about the meeting they have once a week which we are welcome to join.
Obviously I couldn't really sleep after that...
I'm also sick as a dog. Flu that went straight into my chest in like a day!!! Crazy! I've never gotten sick so quick... I feel terrible.
I haven't been eating dinner this week... which i think is awesome!!! I will get to work, have a small breakfast, like muesli or somethin... and then at lunch time, a sandwich with ham on or marmite or whatever...and that's that. So my intake has been pretty good.
I'm very under the weather today... Started from this morning, when i went onto hubby's facebook profile, and i saw that he had left a comment or two on one of our 'girl' friend's status's... it really hurt cos he never even comments on my status's or comments on the nice notes i leave him, etc...
Her status was ''Loving the rain'', and he commented ''Great for snuggling'', then she said something-nothing important-and he replied ''Why?Are you a night or dark lover? LOL'' WTF?!! He's such a flirt... I wish he would flirt with me a little...
Anyway, i got to work, and it was crazy busy... hubby had to drive to jhb for 3 deliveries, and i had to go to 2 suppliers...
There's just tooo much to explain via writing, but needless to say, everything is getting too much for me... I feel like running away. Not telling anyone, and just disappearing....(pulling a stunt like Sherri did)... I doubt i'd do it, but thats how i feel. I just feel so overwhelmed, so emotional - just depressed.
I think that's why I'm hardly eating too...
I'm going to post the words of a song - Miley Cyrus's ~The Climb. You all know it, but the words ring true to how I feel.
I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes it might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
Cause there’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
xxx
Sunday, February 14, 2010
*Sherri*
So, I'm dedicating this blog to my fave cousin in this whole wide world... It doesn't matter how hurt, cross, & upset I am! I still love her with my whole heart!
So here's the story... Sherri was with her boyfriend for about 3yrs... and then left him. The reason: he hit her one too many times. The last straw was when they were at a club on the eastrand - Nicci Beach! She asked one of the bouncers to take a pic of them with her camera...and he flew off the lid because she gave her camera to a black man! I mean, come on!!! He's a bouncer for goodness sake! So he backhanded her down a flight of stairs...she thought he was on his way down to help her up, when he hit her down the next flight of stairs. She thought her nose was broken!! She was bleeding! That wasn't the first time... A year or so ago, they had come this side for the weekend for our other cousins 21st. After the 21st, her and the bf, came with us to a club...on our way out the club, she recognised a far cousin of hers, who is leb(not on my side), and she said hi. Now, porra's and lebs do not get on! He almost got into a fight with the guy for no reason...on our way home(they were in the back of the bakkie), they had a huge fight - he apparently strangled her. when she tried to scream for my help, he tightened his grip...then eventually let go... when we got to my place...she was in tears...and told me everything in the bedroom. She even developed an ED while with him... she weighed something like 48kgs when she got home.
Now everything was great... She had left him - moved back this side...we had a welcome home party for her... she and one of our other friends were showing interest in eachother...he's an awesome guy, and the total opposite of what she knows... she wasn't ready for a relationship yet, but they were working on their friendship, etc... she was mending her friendships with everyone...
Last thursday evening, before we went to a club... i fetched her from her parents place so that she could come and get ready by me... on our way home... she was on the phone to her ex the whole time...he wanted to pitch up at the club...but we all would've made sure his ass got kicked so hard that he never would've set his feet near my cuz again. Well he didn't pitch up. I was upset with her though, because she lets him walk all over her... even though they weren't even together anymore. I think that is the reason she didn't tell me :(
We all had fun that night... partied hard. I never heard from her after that... All I know is that sunday, her ex was going to go and apologize to her parents face-to-face... Today, when I logged onto facebook, I noticed she had deleted her profile. Then I got very suspicious...
I sms'd her mom to find out what was going on? If she was ok, etc as I haven't heard from her...
She replied that Sherri had gone back to her ex... She told her mother that she was going to Warmbaths for the weekend, which was a lie. She never told any of her friends. She also changed her cellphone number.
I am so upset! She is supposed to be my best friend! She never even told me anything - She never even said goodbye. :-(
When I spoke to our mutual friends, they were all told that she was going to one of her aunts for the weekend. Just the night before 'that sunday' - she had told all of us, this is the year for new beginnings, friendships, etc.
I'm soooo worried about her - how will she be able to contact us if she needs us?? She's moved far away! She deleted her fb account! And her number is non-existant. How will we be able to contact her to say hi, to just check if she's ok??? :-(
It feels like my world has turned upside down...
Here's some pics of my gorgeous cousin: (ignore any dates on the pics... these pics are all recent - within the past 2months)
~~~~On a brighter note - we went away for the weekend. We left on thursday, and got home this morning. It was awesome! I had such a great time with my hubby, my friend and her bf... They are awesome people!
Took my simply slim for 3 days last week. Thought it would be best if I left it over the weekend because you aren't supposed to drink alcohol on those tabs... So I will officially start it again tomorrow.
I'm going to call it a day - It's been a rough one!
Have a great week everyone! Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!
xxx
So here's the story... Sherri was with her boyfriend for about 3yrs... and then left him. The reason: he hit her one too many times. The last straw was when they were at a club on the eastrand - Nicci Beach! She asked one of the bouncers to take a pic of them with her camera...and he flew off the lid because she gave her camera to a black man! I mean, come on!!! He's a bouncer for goodness sake! So he backhanded her down a flight of stairs...she thought he was on his way down to help her up, when he hit her down the next flight of stairs. She thought her nose was broken!! She was bleeding! That wasn't the first time... A year or so ago, they had come this side for the weekend for our other cousins 21st. After the 21st, her and the bf, came with us to a club...on our way out the club, she recognised a far cousin of hers, who is leb(not on my side), and she said hi. Now, porra's and lebs do not get on! He almost got into a fight with the guy for no reason...on our way home(they were in the back of the bakkie), they had a huge fight - he apparently strangled her. when she tried to scream for my help, he tightened his grip...then eventually let go... when we got to my place...she was in tears...and told me everything in the bedroom. She even developed an ED while with him... she weighed something like 48kgs when she got home.
Now everything was great... She had left him - moved back this side...we had a welcome home party for her... she and one of our other friends were showing interest in eachother...he's an awesome guy, and the total opposite of what she knows... she wasn't ready for a relationship yet, but they were working on their friendship, etc... she was mending her friendships with everyone...
Last thursday evening, before we went to a club... i fetched her from her parents place so that she could come and get ready by me... on our way home... she was on the phone to her ex the whole time...he wanted to pitch up at the club...but we all would've made sure his ass got kicked so hard that he never would've set his feet near my cuz again. Well he didn't pitch up. I was upset with her though, because she lets him walk all over her... even though they weren't even together anymore. I think that is the reason she didn't tell me :(
We all had fun that night... partied hard. I never heard from her after that... All I know is that sunday, her ex was going to go and apologize to her parents face-to-face... Today, when I logged onto facebook, I noticed she had deleted her profile. Then I got very suspicious...
I sms'd her mom to find out what was going on? If she was ok, etc as I haven't heard from her...
She replied that Sherri had gone back to her ex... She told her mother that she was going to Warmbaths for the weekend, which was a lie. She never told any of her friends. She also changed her cellphone number.
I am so upset! She is supposed to be my best friend! She never even told me anything - She never even said goodbye. :-(
When I spoke to our mutual friends, they were all told that she was going to one of her aunts for the weekend. Just the night before 'that sunday' - she had told all of us, this is the year for new beginnings, friendships, etc.
I'm soooo worried about her - how will she be able to contact us if she needs us?? She's moved far away! She deleted her fb account! And her number is non-existant. How will we be able to contact her to say hi, to just check if she's ok??? :-(
It feels like my world has turned upside down...
Here's some pics of my gorgeous cousin: (ignore any dates on the pics... these pics are all recent - within the past 2months)
~~~~On a brighter note - we went away for the weekend. We left on thursday, and got home this morning. It was awesome! I had such a great time with my hubby, my friend and her bf... They are awesome people!
Took my simply slim for 3 days last week. Thought it would be best if I left it over the weekend because you aren't supposed to drink alcohol on those tabs... So I will officially start it again tomorrow.
I'm going to call it a day - It's been a rough one!
Have a great week everyone! Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!
xxx
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A lazy Sunday...
Well, now that I've gotten to my first blog post, I have to think a bit... LOL.
I'm not in a very good place at the moment. It feels as though life is just one big mess right now. The only thing good in my life, is my wonderful husband. He really tries his best! He really loves me, and I love him more than anything in this whole world!
A little bit of background; Before I met my hubby, I went through a lot of traumatic events - I won't say alot about that now, as it might come out later in my blog posts as I try and work through my disordered thinking. I was diagnosed with PTSD and was put on very strong anti-depressants. When I met him, I decided to go cold-turkey, and take myself off of them. I suppose you could say that I thought If I was still on them, maybe he would think that he wasn't making me happy. Stupid, I have now realised. Anyone knows that one has to ween themselves off anti-depressants.
Things were going really peachy, they still are. But as I go through daily struggles with certain things, as all of us humans do, I find myself battling - and wishing that I could cope a bit better. Sometimes it seems that the smallest things cause me to sink a bit deeper back into that deep, dark pit of depression, and I don't know how to pull myself back out.
I've cried a few times this week, which shows me something is not right.
I feel as though I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That is why I decided to start a blog, and see if maybe I can release some of my built up tension/feelings.
Now that you've read my first blog - you might understand things a bit better, as well as understand certain blogs to follow.
Now for some general banter - Wow, are we having such a lazy Sunday or what? haha! I love it! We really need it! My cousin had a Welcome back Party at her place from about 2pm yesterday. It was fab! Saw some of my old friends that I havent seen in ages. It's great that our friendship circle is coming together again. Hubby & I left at 8ish. He wasn't feeling well & neither was I. I think it's all the stress that we're going through at the moment.
I started my diet again as of Monday, and I've done very well so far. I've lost 2.8kgs this week, which I think is a great start! I've decided that I'm tired of being the 'fat' one in my group of friends. I'm just tired of everything to do with being overweight. I got to a nice weight just before I met my hubby... but then after meeting him, I was forced into recovery and gained so much weight. I also found out when we started trying for children, that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...which causes infertility. So I'm insulin resistant, and have been on this crazy dose of meds to try get my body right, which also added to the weight gain.
Anyway 2010 is the year for ME! The year I get the body I want! I'm doing it for ME! I'm doing it for my sanity!
I better get going!
I know it's belated, but Happy New Year to you all! May all your dreams & aspirations come to pass!
xxx
I'm not in a very good place at the moment. It feels as though life is just one big mess right now. The only thing good in my life, is my wonderful husband. He really tries his best! He really loves me, and I love him more than anything in this whole world!
A little bit of background; Before I met my hubby, I went through a lot of traumatic events - I won't say alot about that now, as it might come out later in my blog posts as I try and work through my disordered thinking. I was diagnosed with PTSD and was put on very strong anti-depressants. When I met him, I decided to go cold-turkey, and take myself off of them. I suppose you could say that I thought If I was still on them, maybe he would think that he wasn't making me happy. Stupid, I have now realised. Anyone knows that one has to ween themselves off anti-depressants.
Things were going really peachy, they still are. But as I go through daily struggles with certain things, as all of us humans do, I find myself battling - and wishing that I could cope a bit better. Sometimes it seems that the smallest things cause me to sink a bit deeper back into that deep, dark pit of depression, and I don't know how to pull myself back out.
I've cried a few times this week, which shows me something is not right.
I feel as though I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That is why I decided to start a blog, and see if maybe I can release some of my built up tension/feelings.
Now that you've read my first blog - you might understand things a bit better, as well as understand certain blogs to follow.
Now for some general banter - Wow, are we having such a lazy Sunday or what? haha! I love it! We really need it! My cousin had a Welcome back Party at her place from about 2pm yesterday. It was fab! Saw some of my old friends that I havent seen in ages. It's great that our friendship circle is coming together again. Hubby & I left at 8ish. He wasn't feeling well & neither was I. I think it's all the stress that we're going through at the moment.
I started my diet again as of Monday, and I've done very well so far. I've lost 2.8kgs this week, which I think is a great start! I've decided that I'm tired of being the 'fat' one in my group of friends. I'm just tired of everything to do with being overweight. I got to a nice weight just before I met my hubby... but then after meeting him, I was forced into recovery and gained so much weight. I also found out when we started trying for children, that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...which causes infertility. So I'm insulin resistant, and have been on this crazy dose of meds to try get my body right, which also added to the weight gain.
Anyway 2010 is the year for ME! The year I get the body I want! I'm doing it for ME! I'm doing it for my sanity!
I better get going!
I know it's belated, but Happy New Year to you all! May all your dreams & aspirations come to pass!
xxx
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