A Shattering Heart

Wow! Look at the time. I haven't had a chance to even think about blogging today.
It's 20h51 and I'm still at work. Fun! We are busy with a truck wrap that the guy is fetching tonight. The joys of working in the printing industry. :-/

I got my blood test result back today - and guess what? It's negative. Could've guessed~! Story of my life. Ok, by rights, it is still early - but I am taking this as a solid negative! I'm so tired of being let down. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
The gynae said I must wait to see if my cycle comes this month or not - which is another week or so - if not, back for tests. Then if it's negative again - she's putting me on something to force my cycle. Tired does not even begin to describe how I am feeling about this topic.
My back and stomach is still killing me - and no hint as to what the cause is...

Enough about that - On the work side of things, things are picking up nicely. I'm just tired of hubby's attitude. He's always negative. (We work together - bought into my parents company).
It's as though he's getting worse. I just wish he could try see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not far away. I think it's just because he's financially under stress... I'm tired of playing 'middle man' between him & my parents. Trying to stick up for him, as well as them.
He is not an easy man. Some of you ladies think your men are difficult, lol - well a week in my shoes, and you'll be running! No jokes.

Diet-wise, things are going pretty well. From last Monday morning until yesterday morning - I lost 3kgs(6.6lbs). Not bad for my first week back into the swing of things. I'm limiting myself to no more than 500cals - if more, its all negative cals, but not by much.
I need to make up a point system for myself - so I can keep track of how I'm doing. Haven't had time to exercise at all yet. Thats my downfall - but it will happen! Working on it. I also need to drink more water...another downfall!
Watch this space...

Soooo tired. Going to try finish my work up and head home.

Sweet dreamz everyone.

xxx

Surprise Surprise!

I had a terrible night last night. I had such lower abdominal cramps as well as lower backache. I think I only fell asleep around 2am. So this morning I thought I better get it checked out as my cysts are forever giving me nonsense.

My gynae did an internal sonar - apparently my endometrium is very swollen, which could indicate an early pregnancy or that I'm about to start my cycle. No! I'm not due for another week and a half, and my cycle is so long and irregular anyway - so the gynae suspects an early pregnancy(as I had a funny cycle last month) . Did the whole blood test thing - so I must phone in to get the result after 11am tomorrow. She says, even if it shows negative, there's still a chance because its still early. (I would only be 2 weeks or so). She ruled out bladder infection, other infection, other tum probs, & there's no cyst in sight.

I'm tired of this emotional rollercoaster. We've been trying(TTC) for about 18months now.
Everytime I get my hopes up, they get shattered. I'm really trying not to, but deep inside it's so difficult - I'm really hoping that this is the end of my little infertility spell, and it means some kind of joy will be brought into hubby & my life very soon.

I've waited patiently(sometimes impatiently) for so long - even watching my younger sister bring the first grandchild into our family recently. That hurt a little - ok a lot, as she isn't married, the boyfriend isn't in a stable job, they don't have their own place, etc, and here I am, happily married, we've both got stable jobs, we don't owe on our stunning house, neither do we owe a cent on our cars...and yet we can't add a beautiful little being into our family.
Don't get me wrong - I love my sister so much, and I love my little nephew to bits... He wasn't a mistake! Life happens! God put him here for a reason. Sometime's I just don't understand why things play out the way they do.

That's why deep down I am secretly, silently hoping, that this is the end of our struggle - but if it isn't, then I'll just have to pick myself up and carry on. In His Time, they say - not our own.

I will see how things go during the day - a bit busy at work. Might post a bit later.

xxx